Name Change - Part 2 (a mess)

My DMV Appointment

After we received our marriage license, I made an appointment with the California DMV to get the RealID.  Since I would have to go to the DMV to change my name anyway, I figured I would be super efficient by doing my name change and getting the RealID at the same time.

The appointment did not go well.

My marriage certificate was deemed "unacceptable" for the name change.

When my husband and I filled out the marriage license application, we did not choose "new names."  There was no indication during the marriage license application process that choosing a new name needed to be done right then and there.  Actually, we were very much under the impression my name change decision was an easy thing to do once I decided to so, whenever that may be.

We went to the registrar's office and filed for the license and the registrar's office did not say "Hey!  If you have any indication you might want to change your name, you better fill out sections 30 a-c or 31 a-c, otherwise it's a cluster."  Nope, none of that.

Back to the DMV office... the clerk completing the paperwork for my RealID would not accept my marriage license as evidence for my name change.  She said that since section 31, fields a-c, were not filled out with my desired name after marriage, they could not change my name.  My social security card with my new name meant nothing to them.  She sad that the SSA has different rules for name changes than the DMV, and that my SS card displaying my new name was not pertinent to my name change with the DMV.  To rectify my marriage certificate issue, the clerk suggested I contact my minister to get the certificate changed... 

Knowing that my minister wasn't where I needed to start, I called the DMV, after leaving, to get more information on why my marriage license was not acceptable.  Apparently, any marriage license issued in California after 2008 is required to provide the name after marriage based upon The Name Equality Act of 2007.  Rough.

The DMV associate on the phone tried to help and point me in the direction of how to change the marriage license.  Unluckily for me, the form she suggested allows changes for ANY fields other than 30 or 31, "new names, if any."

Fields 30 and/or 31 that must be filled in for the DMV and DHS

So this has left me with filing a petition with the Superior Court of Los Angeles for a name change.  Fun.

Petition for Change of Name

Filing the petition costs $435.

Along with filing for the name change with the court, you must also Publish the Order to Show Cause for Change of Name with a newspaper.  This costs between $250 and $400, depending upon the publication you choose.

You will be given a hearing date about 6 weeks out from your filing date.  Some courthouses you are required to attend your hearing.  Other courthouses will post the decision of the petition prior to the hearing date if no one contests the name change request.  You receive your court order and away you go.

Of course my courthouse requires me to attend.  Take time off work... I have a hearing date set for August 3rd.

My Takeaway

This whole process has been an absolute mess and a headache.  For someone who really wasn't sure about changing her name in the first place, this is the worst possible path the process could go down.  I have to keep reminding myself that I'm doing the name change for a bigger, greater reason.  This rather large bump in the road is just that, a bump.

Brandon, being the supportive husband he is, said, "when we send our Christmas card as 'The Tweeds,"' this will all be worth it."

If you have any questions about your marriage certificate or changing your name, I can certainly try to help as I'm pretty well versed in the whole process now.

Grateful for my husband

I was grateful for my husband, long before he was my husband, fiancé or boyfriend. He is one of the most supportive people I’ve ever met, and I appreciate every gesture he makes.

I’ve been really struggling with some pretty severe stomach problems the last few months that have made me bloated, burpy, nauseous and just plain grouchy at times. I feel really unattractive with my extremely bloated stomach, and my digestive issues are making me feel down. 

Brandon has been so supportive. He has made an effort to help me feel better about myself and remind me that my problem is new and not permanent (it may be a permanent problem, but there is a way to feel better and not always feel this way). We will find a solution!  We are a team.

The only thing I can say is, if your partner doesn’t make you feel better about yourself, your situation, your down moments, don’t be with them. Life has its ups and downs. We each deserve support systems, people around us to lift us up through the rough times. Being with someone who doesn’t lift your head up, your spirits, your self-worth, isn’t worth your time or energy! Find the big spoon to your little spoon, or your copy to your paste, whatever analogy makes sense to you! Find the person who compliments you and makes you stronger. 

I’m so glad I have someone who challenges and accepts me, loves me, dances with me to 90's R&B, cuddles, shares life’s adventures with me, is honest about how he feels, shares his fears and his dreams.

2+ months down

My husband and I recently passed our 2 month anniversary and I'm happy to say, so far everything has been smooth.

I don't think I had any anticipations of every day life changing that much, but I'm glad it hasn't.  Basically we just say, "let me ask my husband/wife" rather than "my fiancé/fiancée" and before that "my boyfriend/girlfriend."  We have had some BIG things come up within the first month of being married, including a health scare for me, health issues with my parents, and Brandon buying a new car (yay!).

I may be a newlywed, but I can honestly say the best foundation for a solid relationship is friendship.  Beyond our romantic love for one another, Brandon and I really like one another.  We find each other amusing, we laugh a lot, we support each other's interests and listen to each other.

Listening is so important!  I've been in enough relationships (friendships and romantic ones) where listening isn't practiced, and it hurts the relationship. People easily begin to feel undervalued.

Brandon listens to me, to listen, not to respond and I do the same for him.  Understanding how someone is feeling, getting their perspective, it helps resolve disagreements with less hurt feelings and (hopefully) more quickly. Sometimes you won't see eye to eye, and that's okay, but by listening, you can at least understand where the other person is coming from.