Name change - Part One Complete

Brandon and I went to the Social Security office on Wednesday for part one of the name change.

After reading about the Social Security Office and talking to people with previous experience, I took the advice to go mid-morning to avoid the crazy crowds.

We got to the office around 11:15 AM.  I checked in, got a number and we took a seat.  We waited about 20 minutes and then our number was called.  The process was super painless, almost alarmingly so.

Through the help of HitchSwitch.com, I brought my filled out Social Security Card application form, (Form 0960), a certified copy of our marriage certificate, my driver's license and my passport (just for good measure).  The clerk took my paperwork, and started typing away.  He had me confirm the spelling of my new name, told me my new card would arrive in 2 weeks or less and sent us off with a, "Congratulations Mrs. Tweed."  The whole process, once in-front of an agent, was less than 5 minutes.

HitchSwitch has my passport name change next in line for things to do.  Since I renewed my passport in November (so we could go on our honeymoon), I had to do a few different clicks when I filled out my HitchSwitch information to indicate that my passport was renewed less than 12 months ago.  But it looks like I follow the same steps from November, send the passport with a photo and the filled out form, but this time the form has my new legal name AND I have to send a certified copy of my marriage license.

I have requested a few more copies of my marriage license from VitalChek so I can submit one with my passport.

*You can only order certified copies of your marriage license 60 DAYS after the event.*

My appointment for my driver's license name change and application for the RealID is set for early June.  Once I get that completed, then it's my car title.  Name change is a lot of work.

Name change - taking the plunge

I'm a pretty organized person... I planned our entire wedding on my own, creating timelines, budgets, etc. and stuck to them.  I'm pretty sure "organized" is one of the top 10 words, maybe even top 5, people would use to describe me.

Even with this in mind, I have felt overwhelmed by the multiple steps involved in the name change process. 

HitchSwitch Name Change Process

To take the plunge, I decided to buy the HitchSwtich.com print at home package service.  It's 30 dollars.  With how busy I am, I gladly paid the 30 dollars for someone else to fill out my paperwork and tell me how to do the name change.

The form took about 5 minutes to complete, and then I was ready to log into the portal with all my forms ready to print off and take to their respective government offices.  The thing I really like is that they have all the forms in order of when you do them.  There is no confusion.

I'm starting with the Social Security office this week, wish me luck!

I made an appointment at the DMV for June.  It was the soonest I could get!

Since I live in California, there is the new "RealID" option that I want to get taken care of at the same time as I change my name.  I had to renew my license earlier in the year, so my visit in June will let me cover my name change and get the new fancy ID so I don't have to travel with my passport starting in 2020.

After that, I'll get everything updated at work for tax filings and such, but I'm not feeling too crazed after seeing the breakdown by HitchSwitch.  I'll keep you posted on my success!

To change or not to change

Name change. Everybody seems to have an opinion about women changing their name, one side or the other.

**Disclaimer: everything below is my opinion only. I think women should be able to choose if they want to change their name or not. It's a very personal choice.**

The Argument

I truly believed I would always be Denise Larson. As an only child, my undergraduate and graduate degrees in my maiden name, my years as a professional, and my overall resistance to the patriarchal “women should take their husbands’ last name” movement, I thought I would keep my last name. 

I dated some guys in my early to mid-twenties who were hard and fast on “you must take my name if we get married” and honestly, it was a deal breaker for me. It always felt like it was easy for these guys to feel strongly about me taking their name, losing my own, but they were very resistant to my reasons as to why I wanted to keep my name. 

I had a memorable conversation with Brandon when we were merely office besties about my desire to keep my name. He was open and interested as to why I would want to and how my name meant something to me. He said, “it’s your name. You should keep it if you want to. I wouldn’t mind.” It was such a refreshing statement.

Work

I started working in the entertainment industry as a production assistant as Denise Larson, 11 years ago. The entertainment industry is a business where people recognize your name and when they need something done or know they need a reliable worker, they will call you up to work with them again. I still work in entertainment, in a different capacity now, but clients still are eager and happy to work with Denise Larson. In my client facing position, it’s difficult for me to drop the name recognition and become Denise Tweed. After much discussion with family, friends and Brandon, I’ve decided to stay Denise Larson at work.

Education

My undergraduate and master degrees were obtained when I was a single woman, named Denise Larson. They are displayed proudly. 

Family

I’m an only child. My mother, although she hyphenated her name when I was very young, always went by her maiden name. She, like me, started working in entertainment and people knew her name. Even now, if I tell people who my mom is, they recognize her name immediately. I feel (and this is just my opinion) that when you work so hard, your name is tied to it. And when you swap that name out, you have to rebuild again. 

Identity 

Lastly, I was raised to be an independent, hard-working, motivated person. I went to an all-girls school where your individuality, intelligence and drive were rewarded. It’s a strange concept to blindly follow the crowd to change your name to your husband’s simply because “that’s what you do” (as one of my ex-boyfriends so eloquently put it). But is it? Why? Not every society assumes the woman will change her name. I mean, in some countries, they have laws requiring women to keep their own names! These laws were instated under gender equality. 

I feel a certain kinship to my last name. I’ve worked hard, studied hard, and I did it all as Denise Larson. I don’t feel comfortable just getting rid of it. It’s apart of me. 

Brandon is okay with me keeping Larson, or taking Tweed. He just wants me to be happy. He has talked with me about what I could do, let me bounce my thoughts off him, and been supportive as I tackle this one for myself.

The Decision

The biggest component in my thought process to take Tweed as my last name is my desire to be a family, The Tweeds. I want to be a mom. I want to have a family with Brandon. And I want to have that family as Denise Tweed. 

So, after much contemplation, I will be Denise Larson Tweed (middle name Larson). Now I just have to go about doing all the paperwork!

Throughout the wedding preparation and name change discussions, people have been very vocal. Some say, "change your last name. It's just a name." While others have been more supportive of my desire to keep my identity, "keep your name! It's who you are!" 

Everyone is entitled to his or her opinions, and I value all of them. Some women are eager to take their husband's name, some never do, some hyphenate, some only use their husband's name in social settings. It's a personal preference and we should support whatever each individual has chosen as the best option for herself. 

Buzzfeed posted this opinion article, accumulating viewpoints and decisions made by women all over, solidifying that everyone has a different opinion and reasoning behind name change. It’s called, 

33 Women Explain Why They Did Or Didn't Take Their Husband's Last Name

It's interesting to read everyone's take.

I'm happy with my decision, but it was a hard one to make.  

Hubby & Wifey - Meet Brandon & Denise

Hi!  My name is Denise and I'm a newlywed.  My husband, Brandon, and I got married on February 24th, 2018.

A little bit about us

Brandon and I met at work in 2014.  I had been working for our company in a different division and moved to Brandon's department.  My friend suggested I befriend Brandon, seeing something in us that would make for a good connection.  She was absolutely right.  Brandon and I hit it off immediately.  We had a lot of similar likes and interests, and became office best friends within just a few months.

Brandon was single, but I had a boyfriend.  Brandon would listen to my boy troubles and suggest things for me to do to improve my relationship. Regardless of Brandon's support or my efforts, my relationship was on the rocks and damaging my self-esteem.  My whole being was telling me the right thing to do was to end my bad relationship and see where my amazing friendship with Brandon might lead.  (Not to say this wasn't scary, of course.)

The transition from friends to being a couple was pretty easy, with a few bumps.  We decided to keep our relationship under wraps for 6 months to avoid any office awkwardness, but that wasn't all sunshine and rainbows.  It's hard to do.  But our relationship has always been healthy, and we can both say that after being in some incredibly unhealthy ones.  We respect and admire each other.  We value opinions and points of view.  We support hobbies and friendships.  Most of all, we love each other.

On our two year anniversary, Brandon proposed in the Hollywood Hills, overlooking Hollywood.  I was completely surprised.  He had coordinated the ring with my mom and it is perfect.  We decided on a wedding date of February 24th for the next year.  Neither Brandon nor I are summer people, so we liked the idea of a winter wedding.

Where we are today

So here we are!  We've been married for a little over a month.  Our friends and coworkers keep asking, "so how's married life?" and all I can say is, it's about the same.  We lived together for a year and a half before we got married, were friends for a year before we started dating, and then were together nearly 3 years before getting married.  If I'm being honest, I think I would be annoyed if there was a big change.  

Truly, the biggest hurdle for me is dealing with my name change, which I will write about on another day.  I've struggled with idea and the format but finally decided to make my maiden name my middle name and take Brandon's name as my last.  Brandon is incredibly supportive throughout this entire personal struggle, not pushing me one way or another.  He's the best.