To change or not to change

Name change. Everybody seems to have an opinion about women changing their name, one side or the other.

**Disclaimer: everything below is my opinion only. I think women should be able to choose if they want to change their name or not. It's a very personal choice.**

The Argument

I truly believed I would always be Denise Larson. As an only child, my undergraduate and graduate degrees in my maiden name, my years as a professional, and my overall resistance to the patriarchal “women should take their husbands’ last name” movement, I thought I would keep my last name. 

I dated some guys in my early to mid-twenties who were hard and fast on “you must take my name if we get married” and honestly, it was a deal breaker for me. It always felt like it was easy for these guys to feel strongly about me taking their name, losing my own, but they were very resistant to my reasons as to why I wanted to keep my name. 

I had a memorable conversation with Brandon when we were merely office besties about my desire to keep my name. He was open and interested as to why I would want to and how my name meant something to me. He said, “it’s your name. You should keep it if you want to. I wouldn’t mind.” It was such a refreshing statement.

Work

I started working in the entertainment industry as a production assistant as Denise Larson, 11 years ago. The entertainment industry is a business where people recognize your name and when they need something done or know they need a reliable worker, they will call you up to work with them again. I still work in entertainment, in a different capacity now, but clients still are eager and happy to work with Denise Larson. In my client facing position, it’s difficult for me to drop the name recognition and become Denise Tweed. After much discussion with family, friends and Brandon, I’ve decided to stay Denise Larson at work.

Education

My undergraduate and master degrees were obtained when I was a single woman, named Denise Larson. They are displayed proudly. 

Family

I’m an only child. My mother, although she hyphenated her name when I was very young, always went by her maiden name. She, like me, started working in entertainment and people knew her name. Even now, if I tell people who my mom is, they recognize her name immediately. I feel (and this is just my opinion) that when you work so hard, your name is tied to it. And when you swap that name out, you have to rebuild again. 

Identity 

Lastly, I was raised to be an independent, hard-working, motivated person. I went to an all-girls school where your individuality, intelligence and drive were rewarded. It’s a strange concept to blindly follow the crowd to change your name to your husband’s simply because “that’s what you do” (as one of my ex-boyfriends so eloquently put it). But is it? Why? Not every society assumes the woman will change her name. I mean, in some countries, they have laws requiring women to keep their own names! These laws were instated under gender equality. 

I feel a certain kinship to my last name. I’ve worked hard, studied hard, and I did it all as Denise Larson. I don’t feel comfortable just getting rid of it. It’s apart of me. 

Brandon is okay with me keeping Larson, or taking Tweed. He just wants me to be happy. He has talked with me about what I could do, let me bounce my thoughts off him, and been supportive as I tackle this one for myself.

The Decision

The biggest component in my thought process to take Tweed as my last name is my desire to be a family, The Tweeds. I want to be a mom. I want to have a family with Brandon. And I want to have that family as Denise Tweed. 

So, after much contemplation, I will be Denise Larson Tweed (middle name Larson). Now I just have to go about doing all the paperwork!

Throughout the wedding preparation and name change discussions, people have been very vocal. Some say, "change your last name. It's just a name." While others have been more supportive of my desire to keep my identity, "keep your name! It's who you are!" 

Everyone is entitled to his or her opinions, and I value all of them. Some women are eager to take their husband's name, some never do, some hyphenate, some only use their husband's name in social settings. It's a personal preference and we should support whatever each individual has chosen as the best option for herself. 

Buzzfeed posted this opinion article, accumulating viewpoints and decisions made by women all over, solidifying that everyone has a different opinion and reasoning behind name change. It’s called, 

33 Women Explain Why They Did Or Didn't Take Their Husband's Last Name

It's interesting to read everyone's take.

I'm happy with my decision, but it was a hard one to make.